Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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