Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
