A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
