barbara walters just said penis...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
