Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Damn victory sex feels great
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
