Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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