HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
