Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
