drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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