i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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