It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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