I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
