Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
