the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize