Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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