I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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