You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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