i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
