I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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