How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
