if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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