come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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