I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize