I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize