new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize