Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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