The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
