Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
