i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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