Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
