She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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