At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize