I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Semen is not good for contacts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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