It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
