Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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