one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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