nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
