What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
