i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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