I am puke
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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