i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
