took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
