I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
