You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
