Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
