I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
