im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
