when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
