The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
