You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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