Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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