Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
