I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
