Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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