Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
