I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
