Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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