yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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