hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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