Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
