I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
