Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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