i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
