Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
