You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
