it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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