Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
