Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
