the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
