umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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