I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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