i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
