Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
