Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
