my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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