so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize