Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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