Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
