so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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