I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
