fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
