you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
