I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
