i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
