just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
