Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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