I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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