remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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