remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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