I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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